…problem – for strippers.

Very few people believe that there is an abundance of intelligence in the world of exotic performance.  I’ve brought it up before, but I now feel the need to elaborate on what I’ve aptly termed, ‘Stripper Calculus.’

Let’s take a look, shall we?

LIMITS OF FUNCTIONS AS X APPROACHES A CONSTANT

We’ll define X as, ahem, Stripper X 🙂 and the strip club (any club) as the constant.

As X approaches the constant, there are limits.  While the constant may change form, it’s actually the same no matter where you are.  However, some strippers (not X) inaccurately conclude that the limit does not exist.  This is untrue.  In reality, X has not yet determined those limits, but she’ll be damned if she isn’t going to seek them out.  And in doing so, X may feel the need for some algebraic manipulation – their word, not mine ;-).

“Such tools as algebraic simplification, factoring, and conjugates can easily be used to circumvent…so that the limit can be calculated.”

Simplification – it really is quite simple: show up on time, look pretty, be cordial, ask for the dance, dance, collect $.  Reminiscing about way back when, I get a little clubsick – my job now requires much more concentration and business savvy, but with half the pay.  Oh well, there are the benefits.

Factoring – this goes waaaay back to my belief in strategic strip planning.  Know your strengths, calculate the risks, avoid poor men.  If the club is packed, you have a higher percentage of risk associated with lingering too long at a single table.  This is called opportunity cost.  At that point, it’s a numbers game.  Aim high and hit up as many as possible – no ‘drive-bys’ – but make sure you get around and get noticed.  If it’s slow, you can afford to linger a bit longer, hoping that the boredom seeps in and you’ll seize that opening to extract a VIP room.  Sometimes, a slow club has its advantages.

Conjugates – defined as a pair of complex numbers, both with the same real “parts”, but also with imaginary “parts” of equal value.  Hmm…I’m laughing on the inside.  Let’s say the equal parts in this case are the dance itself, while the imaginary part is what man wants to do with X, but can’t.  So, he uses his imagination.  Reality versus fantasy, where both are equal.  X solves the problem with a dance, yet the conjugate of said dance (fantasy) equally does the same.  Go ahead, wrap your head around that one.

What?  Were you expecting a riddle?  Like, if Bubbles got 12 regular dances at $20/per, 2 VIPs @ $200/per and 1 champagne room @ $375, paid her tipout ($40 room fee/per VIP, $35/house, $25/housemom, $25/security and 10% to DJ after fees) plus a little kickback to her buddy, Barbie, for including her in the champagne room @ $40 and a new outfit @ $60, how much $ did she take home?

Alright, fine.  What’s the answer?